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Adapt or Perish - The Art of changing to have the best relationships ever......

By Eri Anton


I begin writing this blog after being challenged by a friend on their persepctive of relationships and life. Their feeling was based on past experiences of failure, self reflection of what an amazing person they are and why they have had failure and what they see happening in relationships around them from their friends and personal observations. From this they drew their own conclusion that most women in our area are gold diggers caring only about money and all of them will end up broken and unhappy in the end. While good people like himself are all alone and choose not to date, because there are not any girls who value good guys. So that was a mouthful, but definitely on point.

So with that perspective and world view, although somewhat correct in application, depending on who is being referenced, I completely disagree with the broad brush stroke of criticism of the masses. People will be people and will seek after whatever makes them happy in the moment or in life. If you were to ask a woman what she wants from a man you might hear something like this....

He has to be good looking, have a good body, must have a good job and have money, he needs to be a person of stature and good character, educated, emotionally intelligent and sought after by makes and females for the value they bring to others......ok Ill stop laughing now because this guy doesn't exist. Women want security, protection, safety, love and to be heard and made better by the man by her side. Women will seek after many paths based on the choices we find in men. I personally use this criteria myself and I say.....

A man must be good looking, but that isn't enough

A man must have a good body and be physically strong and take care of themselves, but that isn't enough.

A man must possess a high degree of intelligence and be educated, but that isn't enough.

A man has to be emotionally stable and be in touch with their emotions in an intelligent way, but that isnt enough.

A man must be successful and be financially independent and secure, but that isn't enough.

Even if a man had all the above and I wasn't attracted to him and he didn't make me better then it still isn't enough. So what is enough you ask? Some combination of the above with a man who is my best friend, who I am attracted to and who makes me better and who is willing to change to make us both our best together. So does that guy exist? Actually yes he does.....there are many like that out there that could be that guy but developing and building that kind of relationship takes effort and time. What many are not willing to do to have a grest relationship.

If you are not willing to change for the relationship and make yourself better, so you can make your partner and relationship better, then you will never find it. It will constantly elude you to the point you begin to blame society and others for your lack of ability to find a good partner or have a meaningful relationship.

When two people are commited to being their best and complimenting each others persoanl growth, the relationship dynmaic is changed and value is created. A relationship is like an asset it either appreciates or depreciates in value. If you seek to invest which involves personal change to focus on buidling and growing the relationship and putting aside selfish desires for the good of the relationship you create something special and of great value. When your connections are purely superficial the value proposition depreciates to zero fast and the relationship is doomed before it starts.

With the proper mindset and placing value in your partner in the things that create value, you look for different qualities in the other person. You now realize good looks isn't the most important like it was whenn you were younger. It is a person with a positive attitude who truly adds value to your life ands makes you better. When your perspective changes and your behavior changes, your relationships will change.

It sure beats being alone and bitter and taking out your relationship failures on the world around you. It's not that the whole world is bad and needs to change (which you can argue it does lol), it is I need to change and be better at seeking the qualities out in others I value and want which will make me and our relationship better. My friend believes they won the argument convincing me how messed up everyone else is but, they lost the most important part and that's learning how to build a great relationship.

If we want to bring society into this I will end with this. A high value man for the most part will always be the desire of a woman. He is a natural leader and a person of influence who doesn't find excuses, he brings solutions. He makes those around them better and operates from a position of strength, not weakness. This man will not find fault with society, he will be the one leading societal change.