For some time I have wanted to write a blog about the problems I see in relationships today. Too many people are looking for an instant connection with the perfect soulmate. The problem is that relationships take time to develop and creating a deep connection means talking and sharing thoughts about every possible subject. It also means experiencing things together and how you share, learn and grow in the time you spend together. You want to learn as much as you can about how the other person thinks and what they truly value in life. When your thoughts and experiences align with the other person and you see personal growth, security and love coming from your time together you begin to develop something special.
The greatest things in life come from hard work and time and when you place a higher value on the other persons needs and the time you spend together than on your own personal needs and what is in it for you, it allows the relationship the space it needs to grow. We need to realize that not being selfish, but truly caring so much for the other person and the process of growing closer together that you will place your ego, your pride, your selfish desires to the side and allow things the time they need to grow and progress into something more.
If you are the guy or girl who has expectations that after so many dates you need to kiss or be in bed having sex; you obviously have lost sight of the true value in a relationship. Physical intimacy is always the best when it is built on a deep emotional connection. Emotional intimacy is the key to a great physical relationship. So place greater value on getting know someone and how they think and you will begin to build the foundation of something great. Not all relationships have to be something more than friends. Sometimes that deeper connection isn’t there and if not you have made a new friend. Don't expect to have a deep connection with everyone.
I know it takes time to develop that kind of a deep relationship, but I also know good things take time and if someone isn’t willing to fight and learn and grow together they will never know the kind of love that a soulmate could offer. Today people want the instant connection and to end up in bed after a couple dates. They are not willing to make the efforts and take the time to develop a relationship that places greater value on emotional intimacy and therefore many people sleep around in an effort to find the love they want, but can never seem to find it.
If we think today we can sign up on a dating app and put out the perfect profile and land the man or woman of our dreams we are deceiving ourselves. By placing higher value on the depth of the connection and less value on the immediate physical connection you begin to put yourself in a better place to create depth of relationship and a deeper more meaningful connection.
That may mean cutting people out of your life who only want a superficial friendship or a hook up, but there is no long term value in those relationships and they all lead to an emotional letdown or set back. Find and build relationships with people of substance and character and don’t waste time sleeping around hoping to find value. The right person won’t pressure you or force things to happen; instead they will give things the time they need to grow and mature and you will know when you find yourself in a position to talk for hours and never get bored of the person. If and when you find that person, invest the time, work through the problems and something special will be created….