Today's dating has become a casual set of rules that don't really define anything. I think people like no definition because it allows things to flow anywhere and anyway they want. So I call this" situationships" as it is now mainstream dating lingo lol. Two people who have a situation that only they can define. A situationship is a kind of relationship that is not traditional in nature at all. It is meant to take care of the immediate individual needs people have without havng to work too hard on being together or placing expectations that require compliance like in a formal relationship. It's like a parking place or a way to play house without having to formally be committed and have real responsibility. For those out there that just want to have the freedom to come and go as they please its a good deal lol.
However what is the true value of a situationship? Creating value requires work so.....how do you move into something more serious like a relationship or partnership when you have played house with someone?
So pause, and with that being said I have written a number of articles on dating and relationships and I wanted to deep dive the subject again. I am generally asked what type of guy do I like or what kind of relationships do I like? The question is loaded as I have a very different perspectives on dating and relationships than most. In this blog I will try to unravel the dating / relationship dilemma plaguing people today.
First thing is I love relationships, but for me all good relationships that lead to intimacy are built on a good friendship first. Once you have allowed things to progress into an intimate place I consider it a deeper connection and of course expectations are much higher.
However, before any relationship with another person can advance, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important. I say this because I am all about knowing your worth and making the other person work for your time and intimacy, but if you haven't put the work in on yourself it is hard for others to see the value.
If you don't value yourself enough to make your best efforts around your own personal development why would someone else. You should have your own Personal Development Plan that has you making improvements in all areas of your life to include physical appearance, intelligence, financial stability, education, emotional intelligence and spiritual well being. Only when you are well rounded and have put the time and effort in on yourself can you demand more from another person.
This effort on yourself I consider your worth and value. For someone that has really worked on themselves another person cannot expect to waltz in and command your time and attention without understanding what your time is worth. Especially if you do not give your time to people easily.
If you have put the time in then you can decide what efforts have to be made to get your time, your attention and ultimately your intimacy. If guys don't have to work for it they won't value it, so dont give anything away too easy without enough effort being made so that they understand and respect your value as a woman.
Today people want easy, but you don't value easy. Bob Marley has a saying that I love:
If she is amazing, she wont be easy. If she is easy she won't be amazing.
If she's worth it you won't give up, if you give up you're not worthy.
The truth is everyone is going to hurt you; you just need to find the ones worth fighting for.
To all my female friends........be amazing and worth it and don't be easy. I am not saying to make things hard for a guy, but dont make it too easy either. Make him work for what he wants and don't play any games.
To all my male friends..........If you don't fight for amazing you're not worthy. Be persistent and consistent. Woman like a man who does what he says and is consistent and dependable.
So when it comes to dating someone I always want to build a good friendship first and see where it goes. If the friendship is great and I feel something more I let things move forward. In any case I want the guy to be consistent with his coimmunication and interest in me over time. I don't need fancy dinners and someone to spend all their money on me, what I need is genuine consistent effort, a guy who does what he says.
If a guy knows what he wants and sees me as part of that it is refreshing and I like it. He is a man of character and will seek to build something with me so I know where his interest in me lies. I don't ever want to guess where I stand and I dont ever want to be an option. I feel men need to be the aggressors and women need to reciprocate at a level not quite as much as the guy but enough to encourage his efforts.
Men need validation and it is our job as women to give them reasons to make efforts for us. It is not our job to chase them down. Too many women today either dont have the hard conversations with guys or they pursue them too hard leaving guys running the other way.
When you place value in yourself, because you have worked hard for it, you expect the man to be the man and pursue you. Your job as a woman is to reciprocate and let the man know you welcome his advances and efforts, but don't give away too much away too fast and make him know that hard work pays off. Once a guy has won me over I am not a casual fling and I expect him to be able to make more significant efforts. I do want a partneship. I not only want a partner, but a best friend, a lover and a person to sharte and build a life with.
If there is no effort to create a path to connection, it won't materialize on its own.